Awareness of my ego is just the beginning.
This week, I’ve had repeated lessons involving my ego showing me the extent of it’s control over my freewill. I so often slip up and take on the I behind the drive to be BEST, belittling those around me or worse. After I’ve executed the ego-gain thought with words, all my nicely worded stings are more apparently than ever before, still stings. I’m asserting a particular energy with whatever skill set and am attempting to grab more, in a general sense. My self doubt needs to hide under my ego’s reassurance regimen, seizing opportunities to show other minds, how powerful I’ve (ego) become. Some are impressed, some see the jackass in me, many times both. I have always been so concerned with upping my ego-status, that I couldn’t see the outflow of what I said. I’ve let words fly that would put a grimace on my face if I ever heard a recording of them.
Stopping the ego outburst in the heat of the moment is one of the hardest things to do, but it must be done.
I am making it a point to discover every way my ego exercises itself for gain or for any reason. Polarity indicates that my mind helps to keep in place the opposite depressive, self hating victum. I’ve met many people that use their ego to feel less than others, not a happy person usually. Don’t get me wrong, Far from passive, I definitely want to succeed. But I also want to be very sure that my vision is aligned for Best for All outcome. Ignoring the outcome, has lead me to say some nasty things to people, especially those closest to me. With awareness, it is common sense to act in the interest for what is best for all life. Without awareness, leveraging oneself’s position is more important than outflow.
I’m gaining some sort of control of perspective. It’s like I’ve acquired another I. One is self-interested. One is more aware, of a bigger picture. For example, for the first time in my life, I’m caring for my health, moving to a “cellular perspective” I tell people. I am continually researching how to cook, shop & eat healthy. I (ego) want to show you a picture of my first casserole! Poof…that was easy. Taking the first step was daunting for some reason, but it way worth it to be on the aware side of the coin.
Ultimate point: recognize you ego as much as you can, and know it gets a little scary as you align to a new perspective, especially if you love “yourself” (ego). Don’t be stubborn. Embark on your own personal mission to uncover who you’ve become, STOP fighting yourself, breathe, and do what’s Best For All; what’s best for Self. All as One and Equal.
How have I let this message integrate into my worldview? Life exists at very small scales. When I was little I was very intrigued by the idea that my cells worked together to make multi-cellular organs, that have come together to make me. It’s a wholesome perspective. The next step follows a linear line: all humans working together as one. I’m optimistic. Realistic, barely, but that’s enough. Chose which team you fight for: Separation or Integration.
P.S. Popping out of your ego is most effectively accomplished with conscious breath. Staying out can be difficult, and with all of the Self-Forgiveness I’m about to write out, I hope to alleviate some of my inattention. Example SF: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the context of my ego when relating to others, attempting to find myself in a better position.