For power, actually.
I’ve witnessed myself build myself up through the mind, by putting my brother down. That’s were it stared anyways. I actually created a confident layer over my fears that worked, and still does. I’ve climbed the ladder within social comparison, collecting moments of “success” for me as ego. I assumed that the better I was in relation to others, the more confident I could be in my power/ability to dominate a situation. The insecurities and doubts running in the background were manageable with a layer added. I navigated through a lot of different relationships in this state. And I was winning. Had been losing though, the inverse, I think I would be very depressed. I think I depressed the lives around me as kind of an equal and opposite reaction to me. The ego I had created and have been continuing to allow for too long, existed almost entirely for the chance to see that I was better; my self interest, based in fears of being less.
I stop the layering of new personalities to cover up the fears. I am so damn clever that I can get away with creating successful layers to my personality all day. You might be asking, “The problem?” Answer: I was creating a personality that was greater, to cover the feeling of being lesser. When Desteni slapped me in the face with equality, I finally began to level myself. I am working towards deflating my ego to the point that I believe I am no better than any individual. …I have believed myself to be so significant, so important, so much more important that others, especially from the perspective of understanding, which I equate to being more powerful.
Now, my awareness of my mind is at an all time high. I have not changed as much as I would like, but that’s just my anxious tendency talking. My goal kind of remains the same: better myself so that I can better the world, except with a little twist…I am everyone else too! The Ultimate Goal: To stop contributing to the energies of our collective mind, by slowly switching stance from self interest to equality-fearless. So far, I have some knowledge. Now I have to stop thinking about it and apply it.
Aligning to a lifestyle in agreement with what is Best for All is a trip. A little scary, but facing yourself and your fears, inherently, must be scary. Do it because it’s worth it. You do it because it’s the best thing you can do for yourself; it’s the best thing you can do for others…that’s pretty much everyone.
If you’re curious and have 40 minutes, this is a revealing break down of the issue at hand: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfL3KjKqKEY
Take the easy way = layers of ignorance and self protection; take on the challenge = see your mind